Tits

1752tits/486 words

June 8, 2018

Tits

by

 Harley L. Sachs

A warning to the squeamish or faint of heart: this story may freak you out.

It’s a fact. As men grow older, besides developing a pot belly and watching your Adonis figure sag and your dingus droop, you are also going to discover that your prostate enlarges.  Nature has what appears to be a design flaw: the urethra passes through the prostate. As the prostate grows, it infringes on the urethra. Result? It may get difficult to pee. If you can’t pee at all, it time for an emergency cathartization and maybe a terp, which is a reaming out of that passage.

Side effects of a terp are bleeding, infection and incontinence. None of these sound like much fun.

An alternative is a medicine to shrink the prostate, a female hormone like estrogen. Finasteride is a powerful hormone pill so effective that a woman of child bearing age should not even touch one of those powerful little blue pills. Finasteride shrinks the prostate and takes the pressure off the urethra. You can pee again.

But it has, like all medicines, at least one side effect. Besides becoming impotent and sterile without the seminal fluid the prostate produces, the female hormone leads to what is modestly called false breasts. You grow tits.

When I first started taking that hormone I had a slight discharge from one of my nipples. For a moment I thought I’d get into the Guiness Book of Records as a male wet nurse. Didn’t happen. But I did develop some nice boobs that would be the envy of some flat chested girls.

I rationalized, I always liked boobs. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t nursed, just bottle fed as a baby. I missed out. Some man like bottoms, others, legs. I’m a boob guy.

Adolescent New York boys had the expression “to cop a feel.” I don’t have to be sneaky in a crowded subway to do that. Now I have my own!

It’s amazing.

This a side effect I can enjoy.

I mean, why risk getting slapped on the subway or charged with sexual mischief like Al Franken, Bill Cosby or Harvey Weinstein? I have my own boobs to cop.

It’s like a new age of discovery. The late Philip Roth built his literary career on masturbation, grossed me out. I wonder what he would have done with boobs. Maybe made a study of implants, nips and tucks like Dolly Pardon.

With me it’s not a silicone fake. My situation is not the first stage of a sex change. I’ve no impulse toward being trans or cross dressing, but it is an odd feeling, like maybe puberty, bewildering and even awesome. I never expected this benefit of old age. Sure beats incontinence. Shakespeare wrote about old age  sans teeth, sans hair. Who says growing old is always about losses.

Tits! A bonus! Remarkable.