Saturday, March 9, 2013

Job interview for an Intelligence Agency

This was prepared as a monologue for a playwriting workshop:


1066 words
The Job Interview
Good morning. I have your application for employment with the agency and I’ve read your essay with great interest. I understand that you are keen to serve our country’s intelligence service. Your minor in interpersonal relations and your foreign languages skills are a plus. I also see that you are aware that 95 percent of this work is rather dull research, not unlike what you experienced in graduate school. One difference, of course, is that for us as a field agent you will deal with primary sources. But there is a caution, which you must be made aware of before we go any further with your application.
I’m sure you are familiar with the James Bond movies. Double-O-Seven is his code number and he always identifies himself as “Bond, James Bond.” In this business you will never reveal your real name. You don’t know mine, and your application has only a number identifier keyed to the date. We do not number our agents, for if there is a Double-O-Seven there must be an O-Six and so on.
Ours is the name that is never spoken. You are never to mention the name of this agency. If in Washington should you meet people socially, the most you can say is you work for some government agency, but not us. In fact, for all you know, we might be some other agency than the one you think you applied for. But I assure you that I do represent a United States agency, and not the Mossad or the Venezuelan Embassy. Granted, in this business you can never be a hundred percent sure of anyone or anything.
James Bond carries all sorts of weapons and is provided with a fancy car and various gadgets. You will never be armed. No Beretta, no tear gas fountain pen, or any of that gadgetry. Your only tools will be your camera and your pencil. Unlike those folks in the World War II resistance, you’ll not be trained to use a secret radio transmitter.  You will be trained in tradecraft and possibly the use of certain ciphers.
 In the movies James Bond kills dozens of bad guys. Did you notice that they are killed, but never get hurt? And Bond is never arrested for involuntary manslaughter, not put on trial, doesn’t go to jail, and is not executed. Nor does he attend the funerals of his victims or meet his victims’ families. James Bond is a comic book super hero. If you have fantasies about being a super hero, forget it. This job is not for you. It is best that you are invisible.
We will provide you with a cover story. It will be something innocuous, but plausible. For instance, until her cover was blown by Mr. Cheney, Valerie Plame ostensibly worked out of a Washington law office. Her outing cost seven of our agents their lives.
 Your pay with be two tiered, your public pay, and the real salary. For instance, if your cover is to be a homeless person who sells Street Roots, you will live the life of a homeless person and spend only what you gain by begging and selling the newspaper. The rest of your pay will be held by us in escrow until such time as you leave the agency, retire, or die, as the case may be.
Partly because of current budget concerns, we can only offer you a position as a contract agent. That means you are a private contractor and not an official employee of this agency. We do that for several reasons. You will be subject to the self-employment Social Security tax. Therefore, you do not qualify for any benefits such as vacation pay, health insurance, unemployment, disability, or the pension plan.
If you spend lavishly, far beyond the means of, for instance, your cover as homeless person, you will be suspected of being a drug dealer or of doing something else illegal. To avoid that temptation, we withhold a portion of your pay in case you mess up or decide to go over to the opposition. In that case, your savings with us are forfeited. The longer you work for the agency, the more you risk losing should you mess up.
You will be required to sign the Official Secrets Act and all your activity will be classified. No one, not even your spouse or partner, not your mother or your father, is to know what you really do or what your real job is. It is a double life, not so very different from the life of a man who has a mistress or is a criminal. In fact, you must be aware that when you are working outside this country espionage is a crime. You are a criminal. If you are caught, like Gary Powers when his U2 plane was shot down over Russia, we will deny we know anything about you. Since you are not an official employee of the agency, we do not know you. You will be hung out to dry. If convicted and imprisoned, as Powers was, you may get lucky and be traded for one of their spies that we have caught. Under the Geneva Convention, if you are a soldier in uniform and captured you need only reveal your name, rank, and serial number. If you are not in uniform and are a spy you may simply be shot.
There’s an international trade meeting coming up. Should you be hired, we may ask you to attend as your first assignment. We may point out certain delegates we would like you to cultivate. Be friendly. Listen to their problems and their stories. If you are successful, they will soon think you are their best friend. You will report everything to us. You will never know what we do with your reports. You will not know what action we take as a result of your activity. It is possible that, because of their contact with you, a foreigner, they may be in jeopardy. They have their own security people at work and if they suspect that your target has betrayed their country, he or she may be arrested, imprisoned, tortured, or killed. You, by betraying their confidence, will have betrayed them to us. Can you, for the sake of our country, betray people?
 Now do you still want this job?



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